90% of child sex abuse happens by a family member or by someone the family knows.

1 in 20 children will be sexually abused by the time they are 18 years old.

At every family gathering, a young girl had an uncle that would always give her hugs in a way that she knew didn't feel right. When she brought it up to her mom and dad, her fear wasn't heard, but pushed to the side. Mom said, " oh don't worry about Uncle John, he's just that way and doesn't mean anything by it". When she was 10 years old, there was one family function in particular that went very wrong. Uncle John decided to isolate his niece into a room and proceeded to close the door, unbeknownst to anyone else. Mom and dad were off chatting with the rest of the family, paying no mind to the crime that was being committed to their daughter.

Child sex abuse happens every day, and we have a responsibility to make sure that we are mindful at family/friend events, knowing where our children are at all times, and listening to our children when they speak up if they feel uncomfortable.

We may think it's disrespectful if our child doesn't want to hug grandma, or Uncle Harry. Our children may feel uncomfortable giving physical affection to others and that's okay. If a child speaks up or exhibits body language of an unwanted hug when Aunt Katherine comes up, what could be a great alternative to help our child be empowered in that moment instead of a feeling of being forced to touch or be touched?  And how can Aunt Katherine still feel loved and respected?

2 Tips for the Holidays

1) Have a conversation with your child/children before you even leave the house about their choices to hug or not to hug at family/friend functions. Help them set  healthy boundaries, and back them up with the relatives if they need you. They can use a fist bump or a high five as an alternative to a hug. Great tools, a healthy boundary, and a child that now feels safe and protected.

2) Make sure that you know where your children are and are not being placed in isolated areas. Doors remain open at all times, and check in's throughout the duration of the event will help your child feel safe and let all adults know that you are watching.

I hope that this true story (names are fictitious to protect the child) can relate to you in some way, and assist in keeping your child/children safe this holiday season.